Plethora of Dumb One-Shots
by SugaryParagraphs
Summary: Bits, Jokes, What-ifs, Ships, Explored Concepts, etc. Its all gonna be here in a series of various RWBY one-shots. Some are gonna be long, some short. Multiple genres will be used as well. Hope y'all enjoy!


"...this is...stupid."

"What's that?" Ruby spoke, voice muffled by the copious mixture of both butter and popcorn as she turned to Weiss. Her face, as well as several rows of red velvet chairs, was illuminated in the dark by the glow of the giant screen in front of them.

"I said this is stupid." Weiss repeated, narrowing her eyes at Ruby. The heiress couldn't tell if she was more disgusted at their situation or Ruby's theater etiquette. It was a complete mystery how a girl can eat cheap candy at the speed of light, yet took forever to throw away the wrappers and boxes. And that was just counting the ones that weren't accidentally inhaled by the dolt. "This whole...Jaune reality watching thing. It's just...stupid."

"I'll admit," Blake began, arms crossed in front of her. A large red cup was beside her resting snugly in its holder. And as the screen shined, you could see the liquids inside slosh gently. Weiss didn't really know what Blake was drinking, but it had to be iced tea. It wasn't soda. Oum, was it not soda. Weiss could still remember the time Blake literally retched from the taste after Yang slipped her a cup, followed by a sick, but a lengthy explanation of how a Faunus' sense of taste was heightened too and the dangerous implications of corn syrup and fruit juice. "At first I was shocked and scared. But this is actually pretty interesting. The opportunity to view different dimensions, realities where the daily choices we make weren't actually made. Or even made differently. It's just...mind-blowing."

"What Blake said." Yang oh-so intelligently added in, stretching a bit in the cushiony seat before sitting back and feasting upon her own tub of popcorn. Oh, right. She was Ruby's sister. If Ruby had a habit, there was always a 50% chance it was adopted from watching Yang. Weiss' eye twitched, remembering the time Ruby walked around the dorm without no shirt or bra. "And this is Vomit Boy we're talking about here! And we get to see him as all sorts of weird things? What's not to like about this?"

"Several things," Weiss began, right back to glaring at the screen. She would immediately argue that it was Jaune of all people they were watching, but RWBY already knew her dislike for the blonde oaf. "Such as the realities we're watching. At first, they were at least decent. Arc as a cop, Arc as a headmaster, Arc as an Atlas general, Etcetera. But each reality is proving to be more..." Weiss struggled in trying to find the words.

What other word was there to describe the pure distaste of watching Jaune Arc take a bath.

"...foolish."

"Oh, come on, Weiss!" Ruby whined. "This is awesome."

"Ruby, he's taking an oum damn bath," Weiss argued sharply, looking at the girl as if she had bumped her head as a child. Which, honestly, wouldn't be a surprise considering her behavior. "How is that 'awesome'? And how is this even an alternate reality?!"

"Wow. And we call Ice Queen the smart one." Yang quipped from her seat. She gestured at the screen. "Obviously, its a different reality cause this Jaune is in a gold bathtub. The bathtubs at Beacon are white."

Weiss waited for further explanation.

And then blinked when Yang looked at her for a solid ten seconds, not saying anything else.

"That's it? That's all we get? After only a few of these little realities, we just get Arc taking a bath?!" Weiss exclaimed at the end. "That's just so...outlandish! And I thought the reality we watched of him buying different pairs of shoes was dumb!"

"Hey, quiet down front!"

However, instead of silencing her voice, she stood up and pointed directly at Cardin Winchester. The boy remained still in his seat, raising an eyebrow and pushing up his 3d glasses. "And another thing! What is this brute doing here?!" She then pointed to Sun and Neptune, both looking at Weiss with a questioning glance while wearing pumpkin Pete T-shirts and holding cups that had a miniaturized Jaune figure on top. "And them?!" She then pointed to Professor Goodwitch. She wasn't even paying Weiss any attention, but rather intently watching the screen before her with wide eyes and a growing smile, despite the shadow of the Ice queen blocking the view of the screen. "And her?!"

"Maybe its because Jaune interacts with them?" Blake cautiously spoke, tilting her head in confusion, much to Weiss' disbelief. Really? Weiss had thought of Blake as the more level-headed member of their team, even if half of her time at Beacon involved going on suicide missions against the White Fang. But not even Blake understood the ridiculousness of it all.

"Blake," Weiss began, her face slowly turning red from anger. "If that's true, then how do you explain THESE CLOWNS?!" Weiss shouted, using a whole arm to gesture towards the packed theatre. Everyone Weiss knew-no. Everyone Weiss ever even paid 2 seconds of attention to was there. Professor Port, Penny, Klein, Team CFVY, those three Haven exchange students. Even Neo was there...and watching the screen with the same look of intensity as Professor Goodwitch?! Honestly, those two were mysteries she wanted no part in. And from the look of Roman's face, he didn't either.

Blake shrugged. "Just cause we're Jaune's friends doesn't mean he devotes his ENTIRE LIFE to us."

"Yeah, Weiss. I know you've got that thing where you demand attention, but Jaune's got other people to talk to too." Yang chipped in.

"He's not THAT socially inept." Ruby added in as well. Weiss' eyes twitched. They were completely missing the point!

"Besides, ," Ozpin said, just a few seats away from her team. If his status and clothing didn't make him look out of place in the average looking movie theatre, then the somehow freshly brewed mug of coffee in his hand definitely did the job. "We must solve the mystery of who owns this theater, and see if they're a threat to the people of Remnant. And I believe we might find some clues in-"

"That's a farce and you know it!" Weiss shrieked, pointing her accusing finger at Ozpin next. "First, you're just here because for some unexplained and rushed reason, this place is quote-unquote 'out of the shackling constructs of time' and 5 minutes in here is a millisecond out there, meaning you get a near infinite lunch break!"

Ozpin wordlessly sipped from his mug.

"Second, we already know who owns the theatre! Its the author! It's always the author! They try to act anonymous, but all they really do is just wear black hoods or something or shorten their name or make them into little initials-"

"Uh...is Weiss okay?" Ruby whispered as the pale huntress-in-training began her full on rant, leaning over to Penny.

"I believe this is what normal humans call 'meta humor'." Penny chirped.

* * *

"Man. I really wanted to go to the movies today." Jaune whined from his bed. Rolling over, he looks at his team, who were as equally bored as he. "It sucks Professor Goodwitch is making us stay on school grounds. If only SOMEONE didn't nearly blow up a small start-up diner." The blond gave the resident bomber a glare, causing the red-head to squawk in protest. With a huff, Jaune jumped from his bed and trudged toward the bathroom. "I guess I'll take a bath or something."

Pyrrha, pretending to read her textbook, sighed as she heard the bathroom door close behind the blonde. Jaune taking a shower was one thing. She had thought of it plenty of times throughout her day. But him taking a bath? His body naked, slowly scrubbing those tired muscles, getting slippery soap under each crevice. The champion of Mistral shuddered in her seat.

She'd pay to see that.


End file.
